At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
