i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
