so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
sex in a hospital.. check
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
