he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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