I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think people are normalizing furries
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
