I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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