I want to make a zoo with you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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