quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
