HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
dude. I can hear the air.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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