Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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