the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
