I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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