Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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