Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
