She is in my trunk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
