i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
