This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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