If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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