Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
