She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
