I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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