the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
