Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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