3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
