just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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