I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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