It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
