I accidentally had phone sex last night
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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