i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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