i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
