At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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