I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
