Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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