Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
