I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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