Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
