My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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