not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
