i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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