Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
