I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
