K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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