I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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