well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
