That's intense
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
