What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
