new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
