Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
