I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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