So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
