I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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