Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
