Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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