he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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