so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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