Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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