He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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