You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
