i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
