btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
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Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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