So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
