When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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