Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize