can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
