just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My life is pants optional.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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