3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
