so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
