you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
