I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
